i am almost 3 weeks post partum (I started writing this on 8/4/14) and am finally feeling about 90% myself. and that is a big deal! i'm still going to recount different stages of my pregnancy for me to look back on, but want to post about our little big guy first :) so without further ado…
Benson Steven Shaker
born July 16, 2014 at 1:01 PM. weighing in at 11 pounds, 7 ounces.
alright i'm about to get graphic. you've been warned!
labor and delivery was intense. i was 4 days overdue, and scheduled to be induced on july 15 at 3 am. the hospital didn't have a room for me until about 3:30 that afternoon. i was hooked up to antibiotics (i'm group b positive) around 4:30, then put on pitocin at 5. doc came in and broke my water shortly after my first dose of pitocin was done. and then… we waited. i was having contractions, but nothing really intense. because benson had dropped so low already, i was having a hard time getting around as it was. i remember getting up to go to the bathroom several times, and between my terrible (and painful) waddle, and leaking amniotic fluid, it was not a pretty site. but my contractions really didn't start getting painful until about 10 pm, and i was still measuring 4 cm, the same that i was when we were admitted.
around that time i decided to get an epidural. my original plan was to labor as long as i could without an epidural and see if i could make it all the way without, but i knew that labor and delivery could be unpredictable, and i didn't have my heart set either way. i knew that with as late as it was, and how long it had taken for the contractions to kick it up a notch, and the fact that i hadn't progressed at all at that point, it was going to be a long night, and i wanted to be able to rest. so i got the epidural, and the nurse set me up on one side with the peanut ball between my legs to help things along. after about an hour, the epidural had settled into my right side, and i was starting to be able to feel everything on my left side. after about half an hour, i couldn't take it anymore and called my nurse in. i pushed the little epidural button to give myself more medication, and she flipped me to my other side. within the hour, the epidural had settled again. for the rest of the night, i was getting flipped and topping off the epidural about every 40 minutes. i was able to sleep some, but between getting flipped, getting more medication, and getting checked, it wasn't much.
just before 6 am, dr huish came in. i was officially fully dilated, and ready to start pushing. so i pushed… and pushed… and pushed. after an hour, the nurses switched, and my new nurse gave us a break. we napped for 45 minutes or so, then we were back at it. benson was positioned sideways, so he was facing my hip instead of my back, and he was stuck. every time i pushed, it would move him, but not enough to get him any closer to be born. dr huish checked in every couple hours, but didn't actually come into the room until about 12:45. by then, my epidural had worn off a few times, and i had to get a few more big doses of medication to completely numb me. when i heard dr huish was coming, my epidural was beginning to wear off again. i knew that at this point, it was time to decide if i could deliver benson, or if i needed a c-section to get him out. so i decided i could wait to get my epidural topped off, because if i was going to get a c-section, i'd be getting a spinal tap anyways, and if i was delivering him, i could ask to get topped off before we started. at this point, i had been pushing, and i mean pushing, for 6 hours. every time i pushed, i kept telling myself that the harder i pushed, the faster he would be here and i would be done. so the longer i pushed for, the harder and more i pushed, hoping that it would help benson maneuver his way down.
dr huish decided that there was a good chance we could deliver benson with the help of a vacuum, but if that didn't work after 10-15 mins, we would do a c-section. i asked to get my epidural topped off before we started and he said that was fine, and he left to change. this is where things got real. my epidural was probably about 80% worn off at this point. dr huish came back in his scrubs, along with 3 other nurses, and started setting everything up. i asked about the anesthesiologist, and was told that they were doing a c-section. then, dr huish cheerfully said, "alright, we're gonna go ahead and get started! and when the anesthesiologist is done, he'll come in and get you taken care of." this is when i started to panic. i didn't argue, but i knew that we were going to try this vacuum thing for 10-15 minutes… the same amount of time it takes for the epidural medication to kick in. which translates into, "i will not be numb while i'm delivering this baby." holy. crap.
it took 3 contractions to push benson out. it felt like at least 6. i tried to control my breathing throughout and keep myself relaxed so that we could give this my best shot (i reaaaaaallyyyy did NOT want a c-section. not that there's anything wrong with it, but it is a rougher recovery, and after pushing for 6 hours i knew my recovery would be hard enough as it was). everything at this point is kind of a blur. i remember being in pain, but can't remember exactly what the pain felt like. as soon as i started pushing the first time, i shut my eyes as hard as i could and just pushed like my life depended on it. each contraction i pushed 5-6 times, and i remember the nurses trying to be encouraging, but i was blocking out everything. in the middle of one contraction, i had already pushed probably 5 times, and dr huish told me to push one more time. i just stopped and started shaking my head and crying, saying, "i can't! i can't!" to which everyone in the room responded, "yes you can! just do it!" and so you do it! i remember them saying when he was crowning, when his head was out, when the rest of his body came out, and i just kept my eyes shut and focused on breathing. that's all i could do to not pass out. i didn't open my eyes until i felt all the pressure and pain leave, and everyone said that i did it and he was here. somewhere in the middle of all that, the anesthesiologist made it in to top off the epidural, which didn't kick in until probably 10 minutes after benson was born.
the first thing i saw was benson. dr huish was wiping him off. he was crying, purple, cone-headed, and completely perfect. they set him on my chest and i remember one of the nurses saying, "i can't wait to get him on the scale!" once they told me he was 11 1/2 lbs, i just layed my head back and said, "i can't believe that just happened." it was the biggest relief i had ever felt, and i was so happy it was over. i was exhausted to the point that i couldn't even hold him for very long before handing him to mat. shortly after everything had calmed down, the anesthesiologist came back in and gave me the epidural medication they give for c-section patients that lasts about 24 hours. gooooood stuff haha.
we had a whirlwind of visitors right after he was born and that night. i knew i looked like a train hit me because that's how i felt, but it was so fun to have family close by and feel all of their love and support not just for me, but for sweet benson too. i went through a lot getting him here, but he went through a lot too! i can't imagine having my head pushed into a pelvis for 6 hours, then having a vacuum/plunger thing attached to pull me the rest of the way. poor kid probably had the worst headache :(
i remember not being able to sleep that night. i'd take cat naps here and there but i really just wanted to hold benson. i felt bad because i couldn't move at all, so i had to wake up mat every time i wanted to hold benson or put him back in his bassinet, or anything else. the second night, my nurses suggested having benson brought into the nursery so that i could rest, so we decided to let them take him. they gave me my 2 percocet and ibuprofen and i passed out. i woke up in the morning and realized i hadn't moved all night, my pain killers were probably worn off, and i needed to pee like the dickens. surprisingly, that good night sleep actually helped a ton and i was in considerably less pain than the night before.
we ended up leaving the hospital the next night, with a walker in hand. that first week or so was the most frustrating for me. mat took all of the night time feedings while i slept on the couch for the first couple nights, because it was easier for me to get up and down from that than our bed. i remember feeling completely inadequate and useless because i couldn't be a mom in the state i was in. i cried a few times because of this, and i felt a lot of guilt that mat had to take over for everything and literally all i could do was nurse him. mat was great at helping me through that and reassuring me that all i needed to focus on was healing myself.
mat went back to work on a wednesday, and every morning after he left for work for the rest of the week, i would grab benson, food, water, diapers, and wipes, and set up my station on my bed. then, i would proceed to break down haha. i was so nervous to not have someone helping me, especially because i had just started not using my walker the day before, and i was still walking so slow and in a lot of pain. but that weekend gave me a boost, and since that point things have slowly but consistently gotten easier. it has now been two and a half months and i can't believe how far i've come. there was really a point in time that i didn't think i'd be able to ever roll over in bed without it being a huge fiasco, or sleep on my side or stomach. i am proud to say that i can do all three of those things pain free now!
it has been a whirlwind, but i can't imagine life without benson now. who knew you could ever love your spouse and your child so much.
alright i'm about to get graphic. you've been warned!
labor and delivery was intense. i was 4 days overdue, and scheduled to be induced on july 15 at 3 am. the hospital didn't have a room for me until about 3:30 that afternoon. i was hooked up to antibiotics (i'm group b positive) around 4:30, then put on pitocin at 5. doc came in and broke my water shortly after my first dose of pitocin was done. and then… we waited. i was having contractions, but nothing really intense. because benson had dropped so low already, i was having a hard time getting around as it was. i remember getting up to go to the bathroom several times, and between my terrible (and painful) waddle, and leaking amniotic fluid, it was not a pretty site. but my contractions really didn't start getting painful until about 10 pm, and i was still measuring 4 cm, the same that i was when we were admitted.
around that time i decided to get an epidural. my original plan was to labor as long as i could without an epidural and see if i could make it all the way without, but i knew that labor and delivery could be unpredictable, and i didn't have my heart set either way. i knew that with as late as it was, and how long it had taken for the contractions to kick it up a notch, and the fact that i hadn't progressed at all at that point, it was going to be a long night, and i wanted to be able to rest. so i got the epidural, and the nurse set me up on one side with the peanut ball between my legs to help things along. after about an hour, the epidural had settled into my right side, and i was starting to be able to feel everything on my left side. after about half an hour, i couldn't take it anymore and called my nurse in. i pushed the little epidural button to give myself more medication, and she flipped me to my other side. within the hour, the epidural had settled again. for the rest of the night, i was getting flipped and topping off the epidural about every 40 minutes. i was able to sleep some, but between getting flipped, getting more medication, and getting checked, it wasn't much.
just before 6 am, dr huish came in. i was officially fully dilated, and ready to start pushing. so i pushed… and pushed… and pushed. after an hour, the nurses switched, and my new nurse gave us a break. we napped for 45 minutes or so, then we were back at it. benson was positioned sideways, so he was facing my hip instead of my back, and he was stuck. every time i pushed, it would move him, but not enough to get him any closer to be born. dr huish checked in every couple hours, but didn't actually come into the room until about 12:45. by then, my epidural had worn off a few times, and i had to get a few more big doses of medication to completely numb me. when i heard dr huish was coming, my epidural was beginning to wear off again. i knew that at this point, it was time to decide if i could deliver benson, or if i needed a c-section to get him out. so i decided i could wait to get my epidural topped off, because if i was going to get a c-section, i'd be getting a spinal tap anyways, and if i was delivering him, i could ask to get topped off before we started. at this point, i had been pushing, and i mean pushing, for 6 hours. every time i pushed, i kept telling myself that the harder i pushed, the faster he would be here and i would be done. so the longer i pushed for, the harder and more i pushed, hoping that it would help benson maneuver his way down.
dr huish decided that there was a good chance we could deliver benson with the help of a vacuum, but if that didn't work after 10-15 mins, we would do a c-section. i asked to get my epidural topped off before we started and he said that was fine, and he left to change. this is where things got real. my epidural was probably about 80% worn off at this point. dr huish came back in his scrubs, along with 3 other nurses, and started setting everything up. i asked about the anesthesiologist, and was told that they were doing a c-section. then, dr huish cheerfully said, "alright, we're gonna go ahead and get started! and when the anesthesiologist is done, he'll come in and get you taken care of." this is when i started to panic. i didn't argue, but i knew that we were going to try this vacuum thing for 10-15 minutes… the same amount of time it takes for the epidural medication to kick in. which translates into, "i will not be numb while i'm delivering this baby." holy. crap.
it took 3 contractions to push benson out. it felt like at least 6. i tried to control my breathing throughout and keep myself relaxed so that we could give this my best shot (i reaaaaaallyyyy did NOT want a c-section. not that there's anything wrong with it, but it is a rougher recovery, and after pushing for 6 hours i knew my recovery would be hard enough as it was). everything at this point is kind of a blur. i remember being in pain, but can't remember exactly what the pain felt like. as soon as i started pushing the first time, i shut my eyes as hard as i could and just pushed like my life depended on it. each contraction i pushed 5-6 times, and i remember the nurses trying to be encouraging, but i was blocking out everything. in the middle of one contraction, i had already pushed probably 5 times, and dr huish told me to push one more time. i just stopped and started shaking my head and crying, saying, "i can't! i can't!" to which everyone in the room responded, "yes you can! just do it!" and so you do it! i remember them saying when he was crowning, when his head was out, when the rest of his body came out, and i just kept my eyes shut and focused on breathing. that's all i could do to not pass out. i didn't open my eyes until i felt all the pressure and pain leave, and everyone said that i did it and he was here. somewhere in the middle of all that, the anesthesiologist made it in to top off the epidural, which didn't kick in until probably 10 minutes after benson was born.
the first thing i saw was benson. dr huish was wiping him off. he was crying, purple, cone-headed, and completely perfect. they set him on my chest and i remember one of the nurses saying, "i can't wait to get him on the scale!" once they told me he was 11 1/2 lbs, i just layed my head back and said, "i can't believe that just happened." it was the biggest relief i had ever felt, and i was so happy it was over. i was exhausted to the point that i couldn't even hold him for very long before handing him to mat. shortly after everything had calmed down, the anesthesiologist came back in and gave me the epidural medication they give for c-section patients that lasts about 24 hours. gooooood stuff haha.
we had a whirlwind of visitors right after he was born and that night. i knew i looked like a train hit me because that's how i felt, but it was so fun to have family close by and feel all of their love and support not just for me, but for sweet benson too. i went through a lot getting him here, but he went through a lot too! i can't imagine having my head pushed into a pelvis for 6 hours, then having a vacuum/plunger thing attached to pull me the rest of the way. poor kid probably had the worst headache :(
i remember not being able to sleep that night. i'd take cat naps here and there but i really just wanted to hold benson. i felt bad because i couldn't move at all, so i had to wake up mat every time i wanted to hold benson or put him back in his bassinet, or anything else. the second night, my nurses suggested having benson brought into the nursery so that i could rest, so we decided to let them take him. they gave me my 2 percocet and ibuprofen and i passed out. i woke up in the morning and realized i hadn't moved all night, my pain killers were probably worn off, and i needed to pee like the dickens. surprisingly, that good night sleep actually helped a ton and i was in considerably less pain than the night before.
we ended up leaving the hospital the next night, with a walker in hand. that first week or so was the most frustrating for me. mat took all of the night time feedings while i slept on the couch for the first couple nights, because it was easier for me to get up and down from that than our bed. i remember feeling completely inadequate and useless because i couldn't be a mom in the state i was in. i cried a few times because of this, and i felt a lot of guilt that mat had to take over for everything and literally all i could do was nurse him. mat was great at helping me through that and reassuring me that all i needed to focus on was healing myself.
mat went back to work on a wednesday, and every morning after he left for work for the rest of the week, i would grab benson, food, water, diapers, and wipes, and set up my station on my bed. then, i would proceed to break down haha. i was so nervous to not have someone helping me, especially because i had just started not using my walker the day before, and i was still walking so slow and in a lot of pain. but that weekend gave me a boost, and since that point things have slowly but consistently gotten easier. it has now been two and a half months and i can't believe how far i've come. there was really a point in time that i didn't think i'd be able to ever roll over in bed without it being a huge fiasco, or sleep on my side or stomach. i am proud to say that i can do all three of those things pain free now!
it has been a whirlwind, but i can't imagine life without benson now. who knew you could ever love your spouse and your child so much.
