Benson has recently learned how to open our fridge. Not easily - it's usually a two-handed, full body weight ordeal - but consistently, all the same. I've been laying in bed and he'll waltz in with an entire loaf of bread, asking for a slice haha. The other day I got home from work and noticed the fridge looked funny as I walked to the kitchen for a snack. Bens ran ahead, pointed up, and said "uh oh... S'that?!" ("What's that?") Then I realized why the fridge looked so funny - mat had "baby proofed" the fridge with one of my shoes! my man is clever and resourceful, I won't deny it.

as of friday, I'm 31 weeks along! it's been a whirlwind of a pregnancy and flown by, but i am grateful for that. i remember being so done with pregnancy when i had benson, and i guess i still have 2 more months to get to that point haha, but it's nice when people ask me how i'm feeling, and i can honestly say, "great!"

does that title sound cheery? because it half is and half isn't. allow me to explain.

towards the end of my pregnancy with benson, things got really hard. i was so swollen, like, really really uncomfortably and unattractively swollen. cankles up the wazoo, giant nose, even bigger lips, pillowtop feet. i ended up with pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel (which is caused by swelling) during my last month or so of school, which would have been around 25-28ish weeks. i was also insanely thirsty. like, 3-4 route 44 waters from sonic thirsty. every day on my way to school i'd grab one and rest it on my belly for the rest of the drive. side note - i actually missed my belly post delivery because i no longer had a convenient spot to keep that giant water while driving. anyways, all of these symptoms my doc chalked up to normal pregnancy. i remember at one of my appointments during my last trimester, my doctor saying, "well, you put on some more weight, but you can't get much bigger at this point!" i remember that being weird, but not saying anything haha. my appointments with him were really quick, he was in and out in 10 mins tops, and any question or concern i had was, "yep, that's just part of this stage of pregnancy!" i had a feeling that things weren't as peachy as he was making them out to be, but i trusted him, and eventually got to a point where i stopped asking questions, because i was feeling dumb for bringing up so many things that weren't any apparent concern.

i started dilating/effacing around 36 weeks, but by 38 weeks, i was at 3.5cm dilated, and stalled. i had no more progress until i got induced at 40 weeks 5 days. during that time, i was in paaaain. benson dropped, so i was low riding, and it literally felt like someone took a bat to the inside of my groin and just went crazy, bruising every surface. if i sat or layed down for awhile, i could barely move when i stood back up, but after being up a few minutes, i was more normal. but it was ROUGH. everyone kept telling me that he was going to be there soon, and that i wouldn't make it to my due date, but i just didn't believe it. i would always shrug my shoulders and just say, "we'll see!" everyone told me tips on how to start labor - walking with one foot on the curb, bouncing on an exercise ball, all the things that usually do help things progress at least a little. but i just had a feeling that he was comfy in there and was going to take his sweet time.

my darling benson boy put me through a whirlwind when he joined our family. HE. WAS. GINORMOUS. and i say that in the most loving way possible. but really, he was a hulk baby at 11.5 lbs. went straight to size 1 diapers and 0-3 month clothes. hands bigger than is 4 month old cousin's, and their length was about the same. i labored for about 20 hours and pushed for 7 to get that boy into this world. it was well worth it, but holy canoli did it wreck me for a bit there. i couldn't walk for a week, and really i couldn't carry out normal household/new mom activities (i.e. diaper changes) without pain for months. it wasn't episiotomy recovery, it was lower back/lower abdomen/tailbone trauma recovery. my body was trashed. my MIL's friend, who is a L&D nurse, informed us that i probably had gestational diabetes (GD), and that my doctor was notorious for not retesting his patients when they were borderline and at risk for developing GD as their pregnancies progressed. she told me to get my test results, so i did. and she was spot on. my blood sugar was at 137 mg/l. textbook says 140mg/l and above is considered GD, but right on the lab print out it says that ">140 will diagnose 80% of diabetics, >130 will diagnose 95%". so i felt confident that uncontrolled GD was why benson got so big. i've seen 3 different doctors since benson, and they have all told me that i should have been diagnosed with GD, and that that is the culprit for bens' size.

after everything was said and done, i was well into recovery and benson was a giant thriving baby, i started to get angry. why had my doctor not paid closer attention? why was everything just dismissed instead of really looking into what might be causing different symptoms? why was my weight gain not an issue? why in the flippin world was i left to push for 7 hours? i just felt like something should have been done. my anger has faded, but my disappointment hasn't. a lot of girls love this doctor, but i have yet to hear a story of him handling/taking care of a complication well. i've heard a lot of horror stories with him since my own experience, and i've heard from a couple L&D nurses that he isn't as great of a guy or doctor behind closed doors. honestly, i was on the verge of suing him. obviously i never did, but mostly because i wasn't sure there was a way to prove that i had GD, even though other doctors since had told me i did.

since i found out about this pregnancy, i've tried to be more aware of how i'm feeling - mainly when it comes to food. i've always been way more active and i've tried to switch my eating habits around a bit. i still have my days, obvi (what girl doesn't?) but for the most part i've done pretty good! as i've entered my third trimester and the baby has gotten bigger, my stomach has gotten smaller. it's a frustrating thing, really, because you'll feel starving, eat 5 bites (literally), and be stuffed. all the while, your mind still has a ravenous appetite. that's the biggest change i've made at this point vs with my last pregnancy. i remember still eating big meals, and just feeling like crap after. nauseous, headache, suuuuper tired. but i've made a point to actually stop eating when i physically feel full and just tell my mind to cool it for a sec. i've indulged a couple times, mostly with costa vida, and its resulted in that same crappy feeling. but i've only gained about 15 lbs at this point (30 weeks 5 days) so i feel like i've done a pretty good job.

i took my 1 hour glucose test a couple weeks ago, at 29 weeks. this is 3-4 weeks later in the pregnancy than i was when took the test with bens. anyways, my results came back at 195 mg/l. holy shiz! they had me do the 3 hour test a week later, but i basically knew that it would come back showing that i had GD. i have been just as thirsty and peeing just as much as last time, and had that same crappy feeling when i overate. the only difference is that i've hardly been swelling, which i attribute to being active and eating smaller and healthier meals/snacks. but the basic symptoms were there. let me tell you, the 3 hour test SUCKS. the drink is twice as potent as the 1 hour test drink, and equally as disgusting. about a half hour after i drank it, i put my book down and just closed my eyes. i went back for my first blood draw, then they put me in one of the extra rooms and i just napped. i was exhausted and felt terrible. i finished the test, went home, and ate some protein haha.

my OB's office called today with the results. and i was right! i am officially diabetic for the next 9 weeks. today i got my glucose monitor and all those supplies, and next wednesday i have an appointment at valley perinatal for a diabetic consultation, where they'll give me a meal plan and just educate the crap out of me haha. they have me testing my fasting blood sugar first thing in the morning, which should be >90 mg/l, and then a test an hour after every meal, which should be >140 mg/l. i think that's where all my GD related appointments will be, as far as monitoring goes. i've already tested my blood sugar 3 times since i got my monitor, first when i got home to make sure i knew how to work everything. second, an hour after a snack of tortilla chips and guac (118 mg/l). and third, an hour after some strawberry greek yogurt with granola (124 mg/l). at least i know those two snacks won't make my blood sugar spike!

truth be told, i'm a little relieved with this diagnosis. don't get me wrong, i'm stressed about maintaining the diet, and the fact that 20-50% of women with GD will end up with type 2 diabetes within 10 years. yeah, that freakin sucks. but this diagnosis just confirms what my gut, and my new doctors, have been telling me. benson wasn't huge and my labor/delivery wasn't a nightmare because of something that i did wrong. GD was out of my control, and if i had been aware of it and the right treatment was given, things would have been much different. but it wasn't my fault. so many things that i've been reading about GD have honestly made things come full circle. remember how i said that my early labor progression stalled at 38 weeks? i found a blog of a woman who had GD, and she said that at the office she goes to, one of the biggest signs that the baby is too big is that labor doesn't progress. at that point they do an ultrasound and intervene as necessary, whether c-section or induction. that's exactly what happened to me. also, excessive swelling, excessive thirst, excessive urination, all the symptoms that my doctor dismissed, were all red flags. almost a year after i had benson, i got my records from my doctor's office and hospital. i was going through them the other day and saw that in my last trimester, i gained 10 lbs a month. TEN. POUNDS. A MONTH. how in the world did my doctor not see that as a problem? so many red flags. sooooo many.

BUT! now i have a doctor that's paying attention, and all the tools i need to avoid a repeat of my last experience. call me crazy, but i am excited to prick my finger multiple times a day and to find out what my trigger foods are, what to stay away from, and how to hopefully end this pregnancy as strong as i've started it. this will be a challenging couple months, but i will have this baby by thanksgiving, and i'll be able to eat my heart out then! here's to blessings in disguise, and to a healthy third trimester.

remember how I said that I was getting too old for rollercoasters and crazy rides at knott's berry farm that did anything more than go straight up and down? well, here's a fun fact for you - I was pregnant the whole time! before you start judging me, I was like 2-3 weeks pregnant, so that little embryo had barely burrowed it's way into its temporary home. but my body had already started making big enough changes to make knott's a little difficult, but enjoyable nonetheless. to be honest, I had a sneaking suspicion that I might be pregnant at the time, but I had googled before we went on our trip to make sure that if I ended up being right, I wouldn't be putting my babe in danger.