perry has officially been part of our lives for one week! it's flown by. its so weird when you have kids, because leading up to their birth, you stress about what life will be like when they arrive. how will you adjust? is it just going to be insanely hard? how am i going to function at all? i pretty much had the same fears with benson that i did with perry, with the exception of - how is benson going to handle not being an only child?!

well, i'm proud to say that benson has handled it way better than i could've ever hoped! the day after perry was born, my mom brought benson to the hospital. the door opened, and the first thing benson did was point to the bassinet by the window (kacey was there taking pictures), gasp, and yell while running to her, "baby!" then he hopped up on the couch and immediately started pointing out features. "nose. eyes. mouth. cheeks." it was seriously the sweetest thing, and only lasted about a minute because then he caught sight of our lunch that we hadn't eaten yet, haha. but he has woken up with that same enthusiasm every day since coming home. i always hear him running down the hallway saying, "ba jer? ba jer?" which somehow translates to baby sister, haha, then when he doesn't see her in her rock n play, he looks for her on the bed, then climbs up and either tells her to wake up if she's sleeping, or gives her a kiss on the head if she's awake. he always wants to help with her, whether its grabbing diapers, trying to help change her diapers, giving her blankets, bringing her from the swing to the couch, literally anything. he has such an intense love for his sister, and it makes my mama heart swell. benson and perry forever! haha

we left the hospital as soon as we could, haha, so right after she passed her 24 hour assessments, we were out of there. the first night was stressful - my milk hadn't come in yet and i swear that girl just wanted to eat! finally around 4 am i got her into a good deep sleep, and i was able to sleep for 3 hours, but i was pooooped the next day. luckily my milk came in sometime in the middle of the night the next day, and it's been smooth sailing from there... for the most part anyways haha. but she does 3-4 hour stretches at night, and occasionally she'll throw in a 6 hour stretch (holler!). she's staying awake a little longer every day, and is constantly changing. i am so blessed to get to be her mama.

as far as i go, i've been doing great. my recovery has been crazy good, it's hard to imagine that i was barely started to get around the house without my walker at this point with benson. every day is a little better in pretty much every department. i went to target today. to target! i just put perry in my wrap and she snoozed through the whole store, it was awesome. the first night mat left me to go to band practice i had a couple good cries haha (thanks baby blues), but since then i've been pretty emotionally stable. i've cried a couple times putting benson to bed, mostly because he always wants you to stay in there longer with him so he doesn't have to go to sleep, and it has unhinged my hormonal self. the first time i put him to bed after perry arrived, i had to finally leave his room bc perry was crying, and he kept saying, "ma! no go!" and i seriously lost it haha. i was crying as i grabbed perry to feed her, and i had to explain to mat that i didn't want benson to feel like i was choosing perry over him. i don't know if benson's brain really works that way, but seriously, i died a little inside having to leave him to tend to his sister. but like i said, every day is a little better haha. i've been so lucky to have mat home with me. we've pretty much divided and conquered the last week - i make sure perry is taken care of, he makes sure benson is taken care of. it has helped so much having him home for more than just a week. the bummer part is that come december, i won't see him for 2 solid weeks, so i really need to take advantage while i can, not just of his help, but being able to spend time with him too.

my mind has already started to think of goals for myself once i'm cleared to work out again. my problem is that i don't want to focus on the scale, buuuut how do i make definitive goals without some kind of number to aspire to? i feel like aspiring to a size is essentially the same as a weight, so i'll have to think about how i want to approach this. mat and i agreed we'd have no soda for a month after thanksgiving (i haven't had soda since i had perry, so this is mostly for mat haha), and i have promised myself that this coming monday, i will start watching what i eat. you better believe i've been eating whatever the heck i want since having perry haha. might not be the best strategy, but i don't care! give me all the sweets! until monday. no sweets after monday haha.

here are some of the shots kacey got in the hospital. i'll tell you what, having a photographer in the family is awesome. especially when she's amazing haha. one day i'll hone in my skills and be as good as kacey.

our girl is here!

her entrance into the world could not have happened more unexpectedly. we were scheduled for our induction at 5 am, so we put benson to bed at my parent's house, just in case we were able to get in early, we didn't want to have to wake up benson. when i called at 4, they said they didn't have room and to call back around 8 or 9. when i called back, they said they still didn't have a room, but were, "hoping to get me in real soon!" whatever that means, haha. so mat and i hung out at home, then decided to grab lunch. i had a melt down over not being able to agree on where to eat (hormones, am i right?), and we finally ended up at ned's. i told mat that we had some paperwork to fill out once we got to the hospital, so maybe if we just casually dropped by to get the paperwork done, they'd magically have a room for us haha. worked like a charm! we got to the hospital around 1:00, got all the paperwork done, and they got us back.

i always imagined that getting induced meant you got there, got dressed in that gorgeous hospital gown, and immediately got hooked up to the IV, but it actually takes a loooooong time to get to the IV part haha. i was officially hooked up at 2:52. at that point, i was 4 cm dilated and still 90% effaced. my nurse was awesome. i was group b positive, so i needed to get at least 4 hours worth of penicillin through my IV in order to give birth and not have to stay and extra 24 hours to make sure the baby didn't contract the group b. so she said that by 7 pm i could have my baby, and she was determined to see that baby be born! i wish she had been my nurse for the delivery, but unfortunately we lasted past the 7 pm shift change.

around 6:30, dr layton came in and broke my water. at this point i was receiving the highest dose of pitocin i could, but contractions hadn't picked up at all, and i believe i was still at a 4. immediately after my water broke, the contractions started to pick up. i decided i should probably get my epidural, because i didn't want to wait too long and be in excruciating amounts of pain. i got a new nurse, and she wanted to get more fluid through my IV before getting the epidural, so it was probably about an hour before she let the anesthesiologist know i was ready. by then, my contractions were ROUGH. it took another 20 or so minutes for the anesthesiologist to come in. he prepped me, then waited for a contraction to pass before getting started. for some reason my nurse placed mat in a seat next to her, and she stood in front of me while i was getting the epidural, and had us like, forehead to forehead haha. it was a little weird, and i would have preferred to have mat in front of me instead of just holding my hand, but oh well.

oh. my. gosh. apparently i am really hard to place an epidural on! everytime he started threading the catheter down my spine, he'd hit this spot right at the top of my hips and ZING! a pain would shoot from my spine straight across to the right. i swear he hit it like 10 times trying to get it placed right. he started over after he couldn't get the catheter centered from the first spot. during all of this, my contractions just kept coming and they kept getting worst and worst. i could not believe the pain i was in. my nurse gave me a pillow to hunch myself over, but there was no effing way i was doing that haha i just pushed my back out as much as i could. but during those contractions, i was squeezing mat's hand, squeezing my leg, clenching my teeth. i cried, i whimpered, i made noises and did things that i have never pictured myself doing, bc i've never been in that much pain before. all the while, i kept having to answer, "left? center? right?" mat was watching the monitor, and any time a contraction would peak and start coming down, he'd say something like, "alright, it's coming down." i knew he was just trying to help, but it just made me want to punch him haha bc it always took a little longer for the contraction to release and to feel any relief on my end. i now understand why you hear stories of women yelling obscenities at their husbands during labor! towards the end of getting my epidural placed, the contractions started getting lower and i could feel them in my pubic bone/tailbone area. but they finally got it placed, got the test dose in, and let me lay back down.

the medication started kicking in and the next contraction i could still feel, but it wasn't near as intense as the last one, so i knew we were on the right track. the nurse let me lay flat for a minute or two to let the medicine start to settle and take effect. in the mean time, i found out that while i was getting my epidural placed, mat was experiencing contractions of his own, only they were diarrhea cramps! hahaha i was dying when he told me, but it explained his facial expression the one time i looked at his face when i was getting the epidural. i told him to go to the bathroom, so he left the room as the nurse was coming back to place the catheter and check me. as she was down there she goes, "hm. where'd your husband go?" and when i told her he went to the bathroom, she went, "okay. well her head is right there. you're about to have this baby. i'm gonna go call dr. layton." at this point it was 8:30, so just to recap, i went from a 4 to a 10 in 2 hours with no pain relief. no wonder those contractions sucked so bad!

i called mat to come back, and shortly after dr layton showed up and started prepping everything. as soon as i put my feet in the stirrups i could feel her move down and start crowning. i pushed 3 times. that's it! 3 pushes. after the first one or second one mat goes, "huh, there she is." then after the third, they put her on my chest, and it was done! i could not believe it. they wiped her off and cleared her airways as she laid on me, but she didn't cry much. she'd let out a couple good cries every 30 seconds or so, but otherwise she was so relaxed. so chunky, and so relaxed. after a couple minutes, mat cut the cord, and then she was wrapped up. i did the "golden hour" or "undisturbed first hour", where they hold off on any tests and just let the baby and mom do skin to skin for an hour. within 10 mins, she starting rooting, so i let her nurse. it took a few minutes for her to figure out how to latch, but she got it quick! it was amazing. she was so alert and so calm. her blood sugar was a little low in the beginning, so i would nurse her then follow it up with some formula, just to make sure she was getting enough food. her sugars stabilized right after that.

this entire experience blew my mind. my labor dragged on and on with benson, pushing dragged on and on, and once he arrived, recovery dragged on. we were in the hospital for 3 days with bens. this time we left right after the 24 hour mark. everything with benson was so hazy. i felt so alert and aware of everything this time. all my fears were calmed. and as it turns out, i could totally do an unmedicated birth! although i'll be honest, i don't know if i want to haha. granted, this labor/delivery went pretty quick, 6 hours from beginning to end, so we might not have time for an epidural next time. had they checked me before the anesthesiologist got started on my epidural, they probably would have told me it was too late haha.

perry is named after her dad - parry is mat's middle name. we decided to spell it with an E instead of an A because it looked more feminine to us. apparently Parry comes from the hill side of the family, but there is a Perry on the mckinnon side, so she gets to be the namesake for both sides of the family, but especially her dad. we are so in love with this little slice of heaven.

Perry Lane Shaker

November 14, 2016

8:56 PM

9 lbs, 7 oz, 21 in long

the final week! well, by textbook standards anyways. i get induced in 2 days! i have experienced such a whirlwind of emotions the last week or so, but as of this very moment, i am feeling excited and anxious. i'm hoping that i can go into labor on my own before i go in monday morning, but we'll see what happens haha.

i've talked to so many friends about their birth experiences. i obviously have had my own, but i feel like this time will either solidify how my body does pregnancy, or be completely different and i still won't know what to expect the third time around... assuming there is a third time haha. things so far have been the same as benson as far as progress towards labor is - started dilating early and was already to at least a 2 and partially effaced by 36 weeks, continued to slowly dilate from there (at my appointment on tuesday i was at a 3 and a little bit, and still 90ish% effaced haha). i don't think i've stalled like i did last time, although we'll find out where i'm at when we get to the hospital. but i think i remember not having any contractions or signs of labor with benson after the 38 week mark, where with this one, i still have contractions (some pretty intense ones!) and still losing pieces of the mucus plug. i am still feeling great overall, no insane swelling, no constant discomfort. i've got a solid waddle, its hard to stand up from any position, rolling over in bed still sucks, but i'm not excessively swollen, my nose is still its normal size (ha!), and i still feel mentally/emotionally like myself. part of me feels like i'm getting jipped from the experience of the "oh my gosh, i'm in labor!" adrenaline rush and just feeling the pain of what my body is actually doing. and the other part of me is like, "why put yourself through that nonsense? get your epidural, get comfortable, and enjoyyyyyy" haha.

so as far as labor and delivery goes, my biggest fears are:

1. i'm still going to labor FOREVER to get to a 10 (with bens, it was 13-14 hrs before i started pushing).

2. she'll be facing sunny side up or sideways (like benson was) and that will make for a ridiculous amount of pushing with little progress. and since i won't be okay with pushing for hours on end with no progress, i'll end up in a c-section.

3. despite my best efforts in controlling my GD, she will still be a big baby. not that there is anything wrong with a big baby, i just want an average size one for my own sake - ease of delivery, recovery, lifting, etc.

4. even if everything goes as perfectly as i could hope for, my recovery will still be awful just because of the damage that was done last time.

things that i am telling myself to keep myself optimistic!

1. the length of my labor is out of my control, so try to just enjoy it as much as i can!

2. even if she's facing one way or the other, my doctor isn't worried, and babies' typically flip the right direction throughout the course of labor and delivery. aaaaaand i feel like if i got benson out with a vacuum-assist, i should be able to do it with this baby no prob.

3. size wise, i am not feeling anywhere near as miserable as i was with benson, which leads me to believe that she is not nearly as big. don't get me wrong, my belly is heavy for sure, but i feel like it's smaller than it was last time (even though it's still laaaaaarge haha), and she's sitting pretty low already (seriously, i can feel her pushing against the inside of my hips. so weird.) and i'm still able to walk my normal waddle, no limping or limited range of motion.

4. even if my recovery is hard, it shouldn't be as hard as last time, solely because my doctor won't let me push for 7 hours. that alone should save me some grief!

so, i'm desperately hoping things go much more quickly than last time, as smooth as possible, and that she is here and snuggling with mat and i sooner rather than later :) benson has been extra sweet to the baby lately, giving my belly random kisses and love taps, although i know he still doesn't fully understand why my belly is called a baby haha. i'm still in denial that no matter what, this time next week we will be home snuggling a sweet newborn girl.

so, mat and I decided that we should have a day solely focused on benson, since his world is about to be flipped upside down with this impending big brother role just around the corner! so on tuesday morning, we woke up, had breakfast, and asked him if he wanted to go see trains or airplanes. well, he chose trains twice, but mat was extremely sore and i am huge soooo we veto'd the idea in favor of an equally fun but less exhausting option (we are terrible parents haha). we took him to the falcon field terminal, where you can watch the small airplanes take off and land, and he loved it! this is the second time he's been, but it was just as magical. we let him burn some energy off at the park afterwards too, which he loved, although its not as fun without friends to play with.



afterwards we went to grab lunch. we parked across the street from dana park and gave him two options - burger-fi or jersey mike's. he made a VERY good decision and chose burger-fi haha. it was so good! our first time there, and i guarantee it won't be our last. especially when i'm not pregnant and i can indulge in some of that delicious looking custard afterwards.

we visited mat's great grandma ella mae after lunch. she's honestly the sweetest little lady you'll ever meet (she's in her early 90s and still going strong!) but she lives alone in lehi, which i imagine gets pretty boring. we helped her find out what channel she could follow the election on, and benson rearranged a couple shoes and found some blocks to play with haha. when we first walked in, she didn't notice my belly, but as soon as she did, she exclaimed "are ya havin twins?!" hahaha. honestly, i wasn't offended. my belly has POPPED the last week or so (its dropped and rounded out quiiiiite a bit) plus the fact that my torso is like a foot long, i know that my belly is huge. plus ella mae is so sweet you really can't be offended by her. i love that mat is so close with his family, immediate and extended, and comfortable enough to just pop in on his great grandma for a visit. it's a very special bond that the mckinnon family has.

anyways. the odysea aquarium opened up in september in scottsdale, and i've been dying to go! my sweet 2 month old nephew Lewis got surgery yesterday to correct some fused skull bones (such a little trooper) so his older siblings are staying with grandma and grandpa while his parents help him stay comfortable at the hospital for a few days. karen gave us a call today and invited us to join them at the aquarium!

it's a little spency, so our two deciding factors were benson's enjoyment, and my need to walk around and try to induce labor haha. it was actually a lot of fun! I wish the otter and penguin exhibits were bigger, but they were still entertaining. benson obviously loved it. ran out the whole time yelling, "fishie! fishie!" he's at such a fun stage right now!


 

 ^they had this awesome "carousel" where you sat in seats, and the seats rotated to 4 or 5 different tanks. before you started, they emphasized that you needed to stay in your seats, but benson disagreed, and jumped out at the first tank to get a better look at this scuba diver haha.

last of the benson celebrations, but certainly not least, mat took benson to bass pro shop this morning with his parents and rowe and brynn while i napped (although i had every intention of cleaning while they were gone! haha woops). these three are the best of friends and i am so glad that he has cousins close in age to play with! tonight we brought all three kiddos to see the movie trolls at cinemark, which they did surprisingly well at.

it's hard to imagine life with another baby right now. we are obviously so excited, but benson is seriously the light of our life, and i can't imagine him not being our one and only! i actually had an anxiety attack about it the other day haha. i know once she is here, it will feel like she's been here all along, and i know bens will be such an amazing brother (he's already fascinated with every other baby he sees, always giving them kisses and trying to hold their hand). i think i just need to get past this waiting period, it's like being in limbo. can't move forward, can't move back! i know benson won't remember any of these fun things we've done with him the past couple days, but i know that he has enjoyed them and has felt how much mat and i love him. a new chapter is about to begin!

i don't have much to add for this week. i don't think i even have a picture worth posting! but at my last appointment, i had gained 3 lbs, and am dilated to a 3, and 90% effaced! i could go into labor at any time at this point! but i'm not holding my breath, since i made it past my due date with bens haha. i told my doc i was getting a little ansy about her size - with benson, i was measuring right on track the entire time, and he was obviously huge. i know that right now i'm measuring right, and i haven't gained nearly as much as i did with bens, but there's really no accurate way to guess how she's doing size wise. so, he told me to come back early next week to get my membranes stripped, which will hopefully push things along. but if it doesn't, he scheduled me for an induction on the 14th, so just 4 days before my due date. but i feel a lot better just having an end date in site and knowing that i at least won't go over! i'm reaaaaaally hoping that i just go into labor on my own - for some reason that's just something i really want to experience at least once. but i don't have much control over that, so just trying to be patient over here!

i finally started painting the baby's dresser haha. i've got a few more coats of paint to go, but its looking good! i've been taking my time, letting coats dry pretty much a full 24 hours in between and sanding. i feel like painting furniture has always been such a pain, but i feel like this time it hasn't been bad. maybe because i am being kind of lazy about it and now trying to get it done super quick. which, really, i should be trying to hurry since we have no clue when she'll be here. oh well though. i'll post pictures of the dresser in its rightful place when its done.

mat has his first show on monday night with the new band, the deadbeat cousins. and i'm working my last shift until after baby monday morning. yeahhhh not looking forward to that at all haha. this is terrible, but i'm kind of hoping my schedule falls apart so i can at least go home early. i haven't worked for about 2 weeks, so things have gotten a little further away from me, bump wise. should be interesting haha. then sometime next week, probably tuesday morning, mat and i are taking bens out for his last hoorah as an only child. putting him to bed the other night i actually got really emotional, thinking about how things will never be the same :( we are so excited to be growing our family, but i'm going to miss giving benson all my attention! laying down with him when i put him to bed is one of my favorite things to do. singing songs, reading stories, just laying there as he points out my eyes, nose, arms, fingers, head... sweet little moments that i only get for so long. things are about to change a ton, and there is no way i can know how it will be, but i am hoping it will all fall into place and we will soon have a routine as a family of 4.

i guess i have a video i can share! its just of benson being crazy with my bump. apparently i wear this stripped dress a looooot haha.

happy november! it's officially baby girl's birth month. hoooooly cow haha. i'm so ready to not be pregnant, but i'm not sure i'm ready to be awake all night with a newborn. i know that once she's here and we come home, it'll be like she was here all along. but i'm having a very serious internal battle over how prepared i really am haha. well, no more than 17 days til we're a family of 4, whether we're ready or not!

okay, let's talk halloween. mat takes it very seriously, and i mean VERY seriously. since we've been together, i haven't gotten him to do a couples costume with me because he always finds the best solo costumes and can't resist haha. but since having benson, we've been able to find family costume ideas that are good enough! bens' first halloween we did frosted flakes - benson was dressed as tony the tiger, mat wore him in a baby carrier and had a giant frosted flakes box around him, and i just painted myself a milk mustache and wore a sign that said "got milk?" it was perfect. last year we did addams family, which was actually a lot of fun! i was wednesday, benson was pubert, and mat was cousin it. 

this year was tricky because of my current pregnant state, but we ultimately decided on benson being han solo, mat being chewy, and i would dress the bump as bb8. a few days before halloween, mat was sent on a work trip and ended up missing his second favorite holiday! the worst. i returned my bb8 costume thinking that i could just wear mat's chewy costume and save us some dinero. baaaaad decision. apparently, mat's costume was meant for average to tall folks. i am neither haha. so the costume just looked dumb on me. on top of that, i woke up that morning with either food poisoning or a terrible bug that kept me down most of the day. seriously, i took 4 naps that day haha. so as trick or treating time got closer, i kept trying to tell myself to get up and get ready, but nothing was happening. i eventually sucked it up and got dressed in some stretchy pants. we ended up in kacey's neighborhood because its seriously amazing for trick or treating. benson was all dressed in his han solo get up, and was dang cute! he got tired so quickly, but refused to give up! i offered to carry his pumpkin bucket, or "punk" as he called it, a few times and if he agreed, he would grab it back seconds later, probably in fear that i would never give it back haha. after every house, he'd look up at me and say, "more?!" towards the end, benson got lucky and grandpa pushed him in his stroller to every door. as he'd come back to the sidewalk, he'd find me and yell, "mom! hiiiiii mom. candy?!" as he showed me his bucket haha. he had the best time and i'm so glad that i got myself out of the house instead of staying in.

in other news, benson has learned how to lock and unlock our doors. today, i went out front to toss a poopy diaper, and when i came back, our bottom lock was locked, and i could hear benson on the other side saying, "moooooooom. mooooooooom!" so i kept knocking and telling him to unlock the door, but he wouldn't haha. at one point, he pushed the curtains back super quick, rested his elbow on the window sill, and with a big smile yelled, "mom!" as he showed me the bag of pepperonis he had found and was now chowing down on hahaha. after a bit he disappeared, and i kept knocking and ringing the door bell (mat was passed out on the couch, go figure), and he came back to show me his greasy hands and to ask me to wipe his fingers. eventually mat woke up and unlocked the door (i was probably standing there for like 3 minutes tops) but i thought it was so funny that bens didn't understand me asking him to unlock the door, but was fully aware of where i was and kept coming to show me things or ask for help. little stink!