the final week! well, by textbook standards anyways. i get induced in 2 days! i have experienced such a whirlwind of emotions the last week or so, but as of this very moment, i am feeling excited and anxious. i'm hoping that i can go into labor on my own before i go in monday morning, but we'll see what happens haha.

i've talked to so many friends about their birth experiences. i obviously have had my own, but i feel like this time will either solidify how my body does pregnancy, or be completely different and i still won't know what to expect the third time around... assuming there is a third time haha. things so far have been the same as benson as far as progress towards labor is - started dilating early and was already to at least a 2 and partially effaced by 36 weeks, continued to slowly dilate from there (at my appointment on tuesday i was at a 3 and a little bit, and still 90ish% effaced haha). i don't think i've stalled like i did last time, although we'll find out where i'm at when we get to the hospital. but i think i remember not having any contractions or signs of labor with benson after the 38 week mark, where with this one, i still have contractions (some pretty intense ones!) and still losing pieces of the mucus plug. i am still feeling great overall, no insane swelling, no constant discomfort. i've got a solid waddle, its hard to stand up from any position, rolling over in bed still sucks, but i'm not excessively swollen, my nose is still its normal size (ha!), and i still feel mentally/emotionally like myself. part of me feels like i'm getting jipped from the experience of the "oh my gosh, i'm in labor!" adrenaline rush and just feeling the pain of what my body is actually doing. and the other part of me is like, "why put yourself through that nonsense? get your epidural, get comfortable, and enjoyyyyyy" haha.

so as far as labor and delivery goes, my biggest fears are:

1. i'm still going to labor FOREVER to get to a 10 (with bens, it was 13-14 hrs before i started pushing).

2. she'll be facing sunny side up or sideways (like benson was) and that will make for a ridiculous amount of pushing with little progress. and since i won't be okay with pushing for hours on end with no progress, i'll end up in a c-section.

3. despite my best efforts in controlling my GD, she will still be a big baby. not that there is anything wrong with a big baby, i just want an average size one for my own sake - ease of delivery, recovery, lifting, etc.

4. even if everything goes as perfectly as i could hope for, my recovery will still be awful just because of the damage that was done last time.

things that i am telling myself to keep myself optimistic!

1. the length of my labor is out of my control, so try to just enjoy it as much as i can!

2. even if she's facing one way or the other, my doctor isn't worried, and babies' typically flip the right direction throughout the course of labor and delivery. aaaaaand i feel like if i got benson out with a vacuum-assist, i should be able to do it with this baby no prob.

3. size wise, i am not feeling anywhere near as miserable as i was with benson, which leads me to believe that she is not nearly as big. don't get me wrong, my belly is heavy for sure, but i feel like it's smaller than it was last time (even though it's still laaaaaarge haha), and she's sitting pretty low already (seriously, i can feel her pushing against the inside of my hips. so weird.) and i'm still able to walk my normal waddle, no limping or limited range of motion.

4. even if my recovery is hard, it shouldn't be as hard as last time, solely because my doctor won't let me push for 7 hours. that alone should save me some grief!

so, i'm desperately hoping things go much more quickly than last time, as smooth as possible, and that she is here and snuggling with mat and i sooner rather than later :) benson has been extra sweet to the baby lately, giving my belly random kisses and love taps, although i know he still doesn't fully understand why my belly is called a baby haha. i'm still in denial that no matter what, this time next week we will be home snuggling a sweet newborn girl.