april 16, 2015

benster boy - you did it! You've been out of the womb as long as you were in it. These nine months we have watched you learn and grow so much. You are surrounded by an insane amount of people that love you so. I've been asking you a lot lately if you even realize how loved you are. It's usually when someone else is squishing you against their chest, and you're staring at me like, "seriously? You can't do anything about this?" Haha the answer is yes, I could. But one day you'll be too strong to squish against your will, and looking even further in the future, one day you'll wish someone would squish and hold you like that again. So for the time being, I will let you be squished.

These nine months have been insane, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel guilty. You came to us at probably the busiest time our lives will (hopefully) ever see, and to be honest, I'm grateful you won't remember how often your papa and I have had to leave you for work and school. But I'm so happy with the relationship you have with your opa and lola. I graduate in 3 short weeks, and I can't imagine accomplishing that without you with me! One of the reasons I chose dental hygiene is because of its flexibility; it's the perfect mom job. But you gave me a whole new level of motivation. I want to work hard, to provide, and to be an example to you, so that you can be an example to all of your future little siblings. You are the reason your pops and I work so hard. Your little smiling face give us all the motivation we need to be successful. You have our heart, little man.

You have been crawling up a storm these last couple months, but you're still pretty apprehensive about balancing on your own two feet. Give yourself a chance, and I know you'll be walking in no time. Just try and wait until I'm graduated and we're back together with dad so he doesn't miss it.

My favorite thing you do these days is when you see me, you crawl to me until the top of your head touches my leg, then you look up with one hand reaching up for my leg, and pull yourself to your feet. Then you keep looking up at me until I pick you up. I love that even though you can't say so, you know that I'm your mama and you love me.

I'm sorry for all the days I've missed out on with you, but school is almost over and I promise I'll be with you all day, every day, all summer. Your amazing dad is working so hard to provide for our family and is giving me the opportunity to stay home with you.  I love you so much, little man. Keep growing and learning! I can't wait to see what's in store.