i came across an article today on Facebook about a 19 year old girl who was, "quitting social media." she was "internet famous," and had over 600k followers on her instagram, and more on her tumblr and youtube. i read the article, browsed her instagram, and watched the video she made explaining her choice. the basic gist of it was that since she was 12, she put her value in how many followers, likes, and comments she had. she began making money off of her social media presence through product and brand promotion. she spent hours a day trying to get the perfect selfie or instal-worthy picture to post, then spent more hours editing her pictures before posting them. she eventually realized that regardless of how many likes, followers, or comments she was getting, it was never enough. and, despite all of the outside approval, she was still insanely insecure and lonely. so, she decided to turn her efforts to warning people of the fakeness of social media "celebrities". go her. i think its insanely brave of her to make herself and her insecurities so vulnerable and to start from square one, to try for a more normal, less showy, life.

i've always thought social media was dangerous. i know that from a young age, i started comparing myself to others. i remember being at dance when i was 7 or 8 and wishing that i could dance like other girls, envying the friendships they had, wanting to be as skinny as them. as i got older and social media became more prevalent, i began comparing myself to people i didn't even know. i have always, always been insecure about my appearance and my relationships. so much so, that it kept me from really cultivating any relationships for myself. i was always on the outside watching, instead of jumping in and being part of things. i waited for people to invite me to be part of something instead of just going and being part of it. i eventually outgrew that, but not until a year after i graduated high school.  i think having a fresh start in college with people that didn't know me before helped. although i am still insecure, my insecurities are no longer crippling, thank goodness. i hope that i do a good job in teaching my children to not let their insecurities control them.

it's been interesting to me to see how social media changes as i've gotten older and entered different stages of life. as a single college student, instagram wasn't around yet and Facebook wasn't as threatening. after i got married, i got more into blogs and instagram. i started following bloggers who seemingly had perfect lives - the perfect body, perfect husband, perfect house, perfect kids.  i remembering telling mat about a post i had read about how this stranger posted on their blog about how sweet and helpful their husband was, and saying things like, "you never do that," or "i wish our marriage was more fun like theirs." he would obviously get offended, and rightfully so, because who wants to be compared to anyone? luckily that phase didn't last long, but i did have to unfollow some people for awhile so that i'd stop comparing myself.

a few years into our marriage, and when i was pregnant with benson, i decided to finally clean up our junk room and get it ready for benson to arrive. i posted a picture on instagram of it before i started, and the caption said something like, "the most embarrassing room in our house is about to get owned." i obviously didn't think much of it, but one of the young women in my ward commented, saying, "thank you for showing me that young married couples aren't as perfect as they seem on insta." and i remember thinking, whaaaaaaat? haha. first, that told me that she saw me and mat as one of those, "perfect young married couples," that had such perfect lives based on our social media, and second, i am glad that that was the effect that this simple picture of a messy room had.  i'll admit that i post mostly happy things on my instagram, but who doesn't? it never occurred to me that what i was posting could be affecting how the youth perceive marriage to be. i'll be the first to say that it's amazing, fun, one of the best decisions of my life, but it ain't all roses. ever. for moments in time, maybe for a long while, it's roses, but it's equal parts ugly and difficult.

i happened to come across this article today as well, and i thought it was so perfect. i want to remember it for times that get tough, or maybe for advice for my kids when they some day get married. the gist of this article is that love, and marriage, is a choice. i obviously know that there are reasons for divorce that are valid and that can't be compromised, but i also know that so many people get divorced for lack of trying from one or both parts. i know that i didn't just happen upon mat - i chose him, and he chose me. we chose to marry each other, and each day we choose to stay together, to make each other happy, to work through fights, whether petty or big. we choose to love each other, and we will continue to choose each other, whether the seas are rough or its smooth sailing.

i am so grateful for mat in my life, and for the example he is to benson. i know i'm not perfect, and i still am very insecure, but knowing that mat chose me and continues to choose me every day helps. it is okay to be picky with who you fall in love with, but don't be too picky. no one is perfect - it's all about what you make of it.